


To make a cherry blossom blooms in the middle of Haneda (for you)

by QueenPotatos



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-26 14:42:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2655770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenPotatos/pseuds/QueenPotatos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Last time I saw you I almost told you, you know?<br/>You were there standing in front of the train, waiting for its door to burst open and to swallow you away. I was staring at your back when I thought 'Hey, I don't want to look at that back leaving me anymore.' I tried to reach you but that time, you turned around, and then you smile, and I forgot how to speak.<br/>That's why I had to find another mean of telling you than with words, because you took my voice away, you left me speechless. I really thought for a moment that it was a good idea.<br/>I'm sorry for being such a wreck when it comes to you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To make a cherry blossom blooms in the middle of Haneda (for you)

 

 

 

 

 

_[Dark ink scratches on white paper…]_

_Dear Haru;_

 

…No, start again.

 

_Hey Haru!_

 

…Still pretty lame, isn't it?

 

_Haru,_

 

…Yeah, just 'Haru' is fine. It's enough. Don't add too much flourish, you don't need it. You don't want him to need anything but your true self.

 

And now, what? They say beginnings are always the most difficult part, but this preamble can't be called a proper start, can it? It hasn't taken the heavy weight off your chest, has it?

 

Of course it's hard, but you already knew, before you decided to take that path; it's not the time to be selfish again. You're going to confess, and you're doing it awfully enough – a damn letter, come on, you love him so much that you can't even look at him in the eyes anymore during competition, what a pathetic wreck you are – not to finish what you've started.

 

_Haru,_

_How have you been lately?_

 

Obviously you can't jump the news out of nowhere. Think, Rin Matsuoka, think, use your pretty brain a little, would you? Tell him about something he cares for. Tell him about water, tell him about how beautiful the Ocean looks back in Sydney, tell him about swimming. Tell him about your swimming and then, only then you'll tell him about you.

 

There. It looks like a good time to confess. Between the restaurant you ate at yesterday and the last DVD you bought.

 

_Haru, Haru there is something I desperately need to tell you._

_Haru, please don't hate me for saying this, it's kind of absurd;_

_But I think I'm in love with you._

 

…See? You're already feeling better. It would be a waste to add anything unsubstantial after that, don't you think? Let stop here. You don't even need to sign, because you know Haru will know it can only come from you.

 

 

 

 

 

The letter was sent on a Sunday afternoon. But Haru never got the chance to read it. The letter was lost between Australia and Japan, in the endlessness of the blue ocean, separating the two young struggling souls.

 

***

 

 

Rin is nervous when he gets on the plane. Haru has made absolutely no allusion about the letter – yes, THE letter, as if they have only exchanged one and only; but to be frankly honest Rin got the feeling that this very particular letter erased all the previous ones they've shared, in terms of embarrassment, shame and uneasiness combined. He hasn't even replied. It has been a month only but still, he could have…said something. Even just rejected him – no, not that.

 

Rin sighs heavily when his flight lands finally on Japanese ground.

 

 

 

Haru on the other hand waits nervously with Makoto, Gou and Sousuke at the airport. Rin has never answered his last letter. He blames himself of course, because of his inaptitude to use his phone or computer they have resigned to use that archaic – but lovely – way of communication. Haru knows that they could mail every day if he really wanted to. No, no it's not, it's not that; he really wants to talk to Rin, every day if possible but he just really doesn't know how all those…things work. It's not his world, and Rin knows it, and so he has never complained once since they've started their epistolary correspondence.

 

Is he testing him now? Is Rin playing with his patience to make him bend and find another compromise?

 

Or was he just busy?

 

Or got bored of him?

 

That's the kind of question that makes his palms wet with slight anxiety.

 

The black look Sousuke gives him isn't really helping either.

 

People start to get out of the transparent doors. Haru can hear some words of English he has tried to master during his free time, without outstanding success so far. He can feel the beat of his heart getting quicker and quicker as he fails to see the red hair he longs for. Where is Rin? Did he choose not to come? Is he really sick of him, so much that he doesn't even come there to see their friends?

 

Never mind that, Rin is wearing a cap. Haru has forgotten that it's still summer in Australia after all.

 

"Yo."

 

Haru doesn't even know what to say after that.

 

The others talk for him, like always, something he is often glad of but with Rin it's getting on his nerves. The redhead isn't looking at him; he does not on the way back to Sousuke's place and he doesn't talk to him, face to face.

 

It's almost Christmas. There is a lot of snow on the road, maybe they'll build a snowman or have a snowball battle in the yard, why not after all? Maybe Rin will look at him then – he'll need to if he wants to win anyway, and Rin's sense of competition is stronger than any grief he might have against Haru.

 

Dinner is nice, kind of cozy. Gou had cooked during the whole afternoon and they talk, all of them, about this and that, the news, the next Olympics games of course where the two swimming prodigies will certainly take part of. Haru catches Rin, from the corner of his eyes, trying to look at him, at his face more precisely. But he always seems to stop halfway.

 

What is wrong with him?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Haru looks sad. Probably because Rin has messed up years of excellent friendship with a fucking single letter and that now, just like him, Haru can't look at him in the eyes anymore – well, Rin can't really tell because as it was stated just a line or two before, he can't look at him either, so he does not see what Haru does or does not do.

 

It's kind of pathetic, actually.

 

But Gou's cannelloni are terrific. They'll keep his mouth busy, and prevent him from doing something stupid like, well, talking to Haru. It's terrible because when Haru looks sad like this he is kind of, even prettier than normal – crazy, isn't it? This boy – man, come on Rin you've both grown up you're not 12 anymore – is a real torture for the heart.

 

Rin knows they won't stay together the whole time he has to stay there anyway. It'll be just a matter of strategy to avoid him until the next meet in six weeks.

 

They go to the theater, and then they take a walk in the park. Gou has forgotten her gloves so it's easier to refuse the snowball battle Sousuke desperately wants to play – Rin thought he saw Haru's eyes shine for a second, before he rejected that offer, and it's making him anxious again.

 

 

What is running in your mind?

 

Why haven't you replied?

 

Why aren't you saying a thing? Haru, if only you how much I can love you, Haru…

 

 

 

 

 

They part at the Iwatobi station, a few days after. Gou, Rin and Sousuke will spend the New Year Eve in the Matsuoka's house and Makoto and Haru together in the Tachibana's. They have agreed, to Haru's great relief, to meet just before sunrise to watch the beginning of the year all together.

 

It had become a little easier every day to catch Rin's attention. Haru had even managed to get a smile out of him; but it was something forced, and furtive ones, always. It didn't look like Rin's usual smile at all, and the sight of it made Haru ached.

 

There's something missing.

 

As he watches, along with Makoto, the three them of them taking the other route Haru stomach is turned upside down, because he feels in his bones that he is missing something, something big and important and he has absolutely no clue of what it could be.

 

Rin,

 

Did something happen to you back in Australia again?

 

Are you hitting a wall?

 

Are you jealous, or angry at me for some reason?

 

Rin, please, talk to me Rin.

 

 

 

 

 

They end up on the Haru's roof; the seven of them – Nagisa and Rei have joined, at some point – are shivering under three different blankets they have bought to protect their skin from the cold. It's almost 5 AM. It's too damn early but they have come an hour before the meeting's time in a sort of silent agreement no one had voiced aloud. It's just the pleasure of spending precious times with old friends that had driven them here and now.

 

Everyone seems to be fine.

 

Gou, Nagisa and Rei are in their third year. Everything is doing great; the swimming club has never been this popular. They have even started a women’s team; it's getting even better scores that the men's one – Rei, against all odds, finds it beautiful in a way – and Gou even had to learn how to swim. Sousuke helped her. Rin thanks him.

 

Talking about Sousuke, he had found a block-release training in physiotherapy. He works near his hometown half the year and takes lessons in Kyoto the other half. It's really convenient for him, and due to his personal experience he takes the job very seriously. He has found another dream on his own.

 

Makoto works very hard at Uni and can't wait to go back to teaching any time soon. Sure, he isn't the brightest of the class but he is still very regular. He meets with Haru at least three times a week, if not more. His mom calls every day. He misses the twins incredibly but he is also filled with the contentment of having started a life on his own.

 

It leaves Rin and Haru.

 

One practices in Tokyo, the other one in Australia. They have reached the place they were dreaming of. They could be the happiest people in the group right now, except they're not. 

 

Haru misses Rin. Rin misses Haru. It's an empty feeling that can't be ease by the beautiful sight of the sun rising at the surface of the ocean.

 

They are sitting at completely opposite places. How can Haru enjoy that sight if he cannot share it with Rin?

 

The trip back to Tokyo is as silent as the first one. It's even gloomier, because now Gou is gone, which leaves only four men in the train and only Makoto seems to be in a mood to hold a casual kind of conversation. But it's not what hurt Haru the most. As soon as he drifts off, as his eyes fall on nothing more but the thick glass of the window his head is resting on, staring blankly at the scenery quickly passing by his sight, Haru can hear Rin opening up to the other two. He talks, he laughs, and it feels good to hear him almost happy again – did Rin laugh before that day? He doubts it, he really does.

 

There's absolutely no mystery about what is annoying Rin right now. There never was, Haru knows that, but still he had hoped for his fear to be proved wrong. He is the one making Rin nervous. Something must have happened but what? What had he done again, to hurt Rin without realizing it?

 

 

"Rin!"

 

Haru calls him out as they are waiting for the other two to pay for their part at the restaurant. Some steam gets out of Rin's mouth as he breathes in the cold air of the night. Rin's flight takes off at 1 PM, so they have decided to spend the last night together and to sleep in Makoto's apartment before taking him to the airport.

 

Rin probably can't wait to find warmth again, but Haru really doesn't want him to go.

 

"Yeah?" He says; Rin puts his hands deep in his pockets and looks at his feet, again, avoiding Haru’s insistent gaze.

 

"Is…Have I done something wrong?" Haru asks him, frontally. He needs to know before it's too late. Because if they part like that he is sure they will never talk between meets again – and what if Rin decides to ignore him during those times as well?

 

"What-you, well, why would you-" Rin stammers.

 

"You seem tense whenever I'm here. And you didn't reply to my last letter. I'm not blind Rin I know what your elusive glances mean." Haru takes some steps closer, seeing that Rin seems to have stopped hiding from him and has raised his head. "Gou is not here anymore, if there's something wrong going on in Australia please tell-"

 

"What do you mean I didn't reply? You're so the one who didn't!"

 

"What?"

 

Rin looks pretty furious all of a sudden.

 

"You didn't answer my last letter, that's what I'm saying."

 

"Of course I did!" Haru replies, "I always write back."

 

"Well, obviously that time you didn't want to – since you're not talking about it either."

 

"But talking about what?"

 

Their voices had turned vehement, none of them really knowing why, for something absurd and unimportant – letters, really. Haru guesses that it's because of the frustration that had formed between them. He feels like two years ago almost, at regionals the first year Rin came back. He feels that Rin needs to physically express himself to feel better about it.

 

He won't let him, of course; once was enough.

 

(Plus, a little roll in the snow isn't something he is looking for right now.)

 

(As expected, Rin kicks into a mound of snow. He swears. What makes him so angry about a single letter?)

 

"Obviously," Haru starts, as if for calming them both using logic - which isn't something he is used to, "One of our letters was lost."

 

Rin's hard gaze freezes on the snow he's just attacked.

 

"…That…might be a believable explanation."

 

Rin puts his hands back in his pockets again. He doesn't look that upset now that he looks back at Haru again, but more something like…embarrassed?

 

"What…what was the last thing you got? From me I mean."

 

Haru takes it out of his bag. The letter is a little bit damaged on its corner but the envelop Haru put it in protected his precious treasure well enough. He can still see Rin's handwriting, rough but neat, as the redhead takes it out of his hand. He looks speechless.

 

"What?" Haru scowls. He'd tried to convince himself that it wasn't improper to keep Rin's latest letter with him all the time but, considering the dumbfounded look he reads on Rin's face at this very moment, Haru guesses that he was wrong.

 

Rin doesn't reply. He reads it silently, and then, gives it back to Haru.

 

"You never got my last reply." Rin breathes. "I don't know what happened. It must have…I…I'm sorry I was sure that I posted it and I-"

 

"No but maybe it was lost. It happens."

 

"But maybe I never sent it."

 

"Why would you have done such a thing?"

 

The way Rin looks at him after he says those words is filled with a dramatic kind of aura, as if Rin was a hurt animal and Haru a hunter who had just discovered his hiding place and was only here to finish him off. But why? Why is Rin – what has changed in such a short time?

 

But in hindsight, Haru thinks, hasn't he noticed that there was something slightly different with Rin, and for some time already?

 

His thoughts are interrupted by laughter, a nervous laughter that can only belong to Rin. Why is Rin laughing all of a sudden?

He doesn't have time to ask though. Makoto and Sousuke are back faster than lightning and in the end, knowing the reason why Rin suddenly came back to his true self isn't that important. As long as he can see him smile, and laugh, and cry a little bit – of course Rin can't be Rin without a tear or two, mind you – Haru doesn't care if he’s left in the dark. It's even better, sometimes, not to know too much about how miracles work.

 

They finally have a real talk, as they sleep together on Makoto's bed.

 

It reminds him of that night in Sydney.

 

"When are you going to invite me at your place?" He asks suddenly, as sleep starts to make its way to his lids and blur his common sense.

 

He sees Rin smile tenderly in the darkness.

 

"I had no idea that you wanted to come."

 

"I was waiting for an invitation from you, idiot."

 

Sure, it sounded way too flirty than what Haru had expected, but it does not explain why, when they wake up five or six hours only later, he is so close to Rin's chest, and why their fingers are entwined under the sheets, or why Haru has never felt so good in ages.

 

Maybe it's just that they are in good terms again. Maybe that's why Haru feels so happy and content. Maybe it has nothing to do with Rin hugging him or the way he looks, gorgeous and peaceful, still asleep, his back facing the rising sun. His suitcase is ready, lying against the bed. They could stay in bed all morning, just like this, just the two of them enjoying the warmth from the sheets and forgetting for just a morning about everything else.

 

Because it feels good just to look at Rin and this is definitely not something Haru can handle when the face he is so taken with is about to leave him again. Haru brushes a finger past Rin's cheek. He twitches under the light touch and then, Rin opens his eyes.

 

But Haru is already looking elsewhere.

 

 

 

 

 

 

His departure feels like a dream and a nightmare at the very same time.

 

Rin is dragging his suitcase beside him and stops at the security checking point. No one can follow him there. Not even Haru.

 

What a twist of fate, the story about the letter. It certainly was a message from the Heavens. This letter was never meant to happen. Rin should have never sent it, and Haru must never know about the kind of feeling he inspires in him.

 

Rin will just have to ignore the twitch of his heart every time Haru looks at him and smile kindly, or at least to give it a try. He'll have to hide the burn of his cheek when Haru passes by him, or touches him, intentionally or not. But it should be fine. Haru is an idiot, he probably won't notice anything since he is such a weirdo himself and probably has no idea of how romance works in first place but the others…Sousuke already knows, how much time would it take for Gou or Makoto to find out?

 

(Gou is not really a problem, he knows she could deal with that but Makoto? He wouldn't be able to keep it to himself, he'll talk to Haru no matter what and it's the last thing Rin wants.)

 

There's a long queue waiting ahead of him. That means more time with Haru and the others, meaning that it's a good and a bad news for Rin. (Good because Haru is here and bad because, well, he isn't alone.)

 

"Well," Sousuke says, crossing his arms behind his head. "Maybe we can leave you here, don't you think? I don't want to kick you out of your own country but with the traffic we won't arrive home before sunset if we don't leave right now."

 

Rin frowns, Haru looks kind of panicked and then, there is Makoto who probably isn't catching a thing, and has to wait for Sousuke to nudge him covertly to get on the tracks.

 

"Oh! Right! We should totally leave. But Haru you don't have anything today do you? You can stay he-"

 

"Who is going to drive me back?"

 

"Ah…hum…"

 

"Take the bus?" Sousuke tells him, quite rudely – it gets him a dark look from Rin.

 

"Guys it's fine. Take him with you, I can wait alone. It's okay I tell you."

 

It'll be unbearable to bid him farewell if there's only the two of them.

 

But Rin's wishes, recently, aren't being granted as they should.

 

Haru stands, dumbfounded, his arms lifeless at his sides. Just like Rin has expected they find nothing to say. People are walking around them, bumping against them to get through the security checking but they can't resolve to move an inch.

 

"I…"

 

"Yeah, I…"

 

Why is there so much unresolved tension between them all of a sudden?

 

_"Flight for Sydney TS97X. Boarding has started. Please direct yourself to boarding lounge door E and F as soon as possible."_

 

Rin can feel the ghost of Haru's palm still against his own, as the mechanical voice announces his soon departure. He swallows; his throat is dry, there is still something huge and unresolved between them and the two of them are trying so hard to ignore it that they don't have any strength left to talk.

 

It has been ten minutes since Sousuke and Makoto had left.

 

"You…"Haru starts, but never can finish.

 

"I should…"

 

"You should."

 

"I need to, take the plane, you know."

 

"I know."

 

"It's not that I don't want to stay."

 

"I know Rin."

 

"I really have to."

 

"I know."

 

It feels a little bit more all right now that he knows Haru isn't mad at him for ruining their week together, or more like everyone's week at once, for such a trivial thing than a lost letter. It feels better and yet it doesn't feel complete.

 

And Rin has a clue as for why it doesn't feel okay yet.

 

"Haru, I'm…I'm sorry. Sorry about being a jerk this week and, for all the other times where I have been a jerk; to you, to anyone. I'm sorry, I really am."

 

"Rin, it's okay." Haru says calmly. "I know."

 

"Tss, if I'd listen to you it seems you know it all."

 

Haru's eyes fall on the corner of his eyes, and the one of his mouth curls into a shy smile. "Sometimes I really feel like I know nothing at all."

 

Rin tries to hug him as the queue behind him starts to disappear slowly with the imminence of the departure. But Haru sends him a bewildered gaze, and then Rin's arms freeze in midair. It's kind of weird and embarrassing but it's not like it's a change, considering how his relationship with Haru is, and had been for ages.

 

Rin always ends up doing embarrassing and stupid things when it's getting too much emotional with Haru.

 

But not this time; it's not something he can afford anymore.

 

"Bye." He just says then, with his throat tightened, his voice imprisoned, by his forbidden feelings for Haru.

 

"I'll see you at Roma."

 

"Yeah, you will." And then, Rin turns his back, just like that.

 

 

 

 

Haru stays, he doesn't know why but he stays, as long as Rin isn't on board he can't really leave the place. Leaving means Rin is gone, and Rin can't be gone, not now, not yet, not when they have spent so little time together. He should have asked him about the letter sooner, oh god, how much he regrets not having brought this up before it ruined their holidays together.

 

From now on, it's decided, and Haru won't change his mind. He's going to make an email account and talk with Rin via this technological means of communication. It's the only way to keep this imbroglio from happening.

 

He can see Rin taking off his shoes as he passes the metallic gate. A man in suit is checking his sides and back. Haru almost laughs at how pissed he looks.

 

Rin turns around then, his eyes scanning the place he just left sadly, hoping to see something maybe and then, they stop on Haru's blue ones. He looks surprised, as if it was the very last thing he expected – for Haru to be still there, even after Rin was gone.

 

Haru smiles, slightly (because he isn't really happy at that very moment, he doesn't exactly know why but he feels more like crying), and his hand waves weakly to Rin and his opened mouth behind the glass.

 

It's being too hard to stare at him.

 

Rin is leaving him again.

 

There's something in Haru's heart that bursts and suddenly it aches; it aches and he desperately needs to run away from that place. It's his turn to show his back to where Rin stands.

 

 

But then he's stopped by the sound of his name being called.

 

(More like shouted but behind the glass, Rin's voice is hushed)

 

"Haru!"

 

Rin fist bumps into the glass. Haru can already see the security running to drag him back to his plane.

 

"Haru!!"

 

Haru is running, hoping, for what exactly he doesn't know but as long as it's something that comes from Rin, he'll take it.

 

"Rin!"

 

His hand falls on the glass where Rin's is. The place is cold. He sees Rin moving his lips but can't hear what he is saying.

 

"What?" He says, and then he realizes Rin can't hear him either – how on earth had he been able to hear him just seconds before?

 

Rin shouts again, and he is scared by what he thought he had heard.

 

"What?" He yells again. It can't be true.

 

"I love you!" Rin says, and then, big arms take him away from the glass, away from him; everything is happening so fast that Haru hasn't even have time to reply, or to realize, and when he does he's afraid it's too late.

 

Haru blows on the glass to draw a circle of steam. His finger runs on the wet surface and once he's done, Haru slams on the glass again to make Rin see.

 

There's a cherry blossom petal drawn where Rin's eyes fall.

 

 

Never a cherry blossom has made him cry so much.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
